Friday, July 23, 2010

Me vs. Super W

With my new found energy from having a full night's sleep, I felt I could conquer the world...or at least Super Walmart. My shelves were as bare as Mother Hubbard's and before I could resort to feeding my family peculiar oddities from whatever one concocts from cornmeal, some navy beans, a can of evaporated milk and some apple cereal bars, I opted to head to the store.

Giving foresight into the trip, I came armed with snacks for each child. We were set...or so I thought. The snacks disappeared before we reached the store and I zipped right in, plopping both children into a cart. Let me also mention that the weather has been in the upper 90s with serious hair curling humidity. We were all perspiring a bit by the time we reached the inside of the store (this is mere foreshadowing...stick with me).

I had a list that I almost abided by...until I got talked into Mickey Mouse shaped cheese. I was as intrigued as the kids, so why not? Every now and then, one should be treated to Mickey Mouse shaped cheese. I mounded the groceries into the cart - which is difficult due to lack of space. One child was drowning in lettuce, blueberries and canned goods, while the other sat on the Fritos. Sigh.

The checkout lines were all but wrapped around the interior of the store (I of course picked the most ideal time to shop) but no one was at the self check. Thinking I can handle a self check with about 65 items clearly shows that I have lost my presence of mind. The snacks the children ate have worn off by now, they are hungry and tired of being wedged in between Cheerios and Cheese Puffs. They start to whine and cry and I am struggling through self check with the stares and glares of people all around me. I try to ignore them and plow through. I will survive this and live to tell about it.

You know how you can smush lots of groceries into a cart, but somehow it all doesn't fit the same when you bag it? My experience exactly. I'm left carrying two bags while pushing the cart and somehow in the midst of the trek to the car we lose the two gallons of milk from underneath the basket. I rescue those and am feeling like a wilted piece of lettuce by the time we reach the car. It's hot, we're tired and hungry.

I get the kids into the car and as I finish buckling up the carseat, I turn around in time to see my cart full of groceries halfway to China as it is rolling at a fast pace down the parking lot. After chasing it down, I throw the groceries into the front seat and we head for the homestead.

I peek into the rearview mirror to make sure the kids haven't passed out from the heat and catch a glimpse of myself. Good Lord. My forehead has brown streaks all over it...then I see my hands...OH MY WORD. Somehow in the course of this trip, I have managed to get chocolate on my hands (most likely from the chocolate chunk granola bar my son ate on the way there). In the heat, I wiped my forehead of perspiration with the back of my hand and managed to smear it all across my forehead. I have no idea how long I've looked like this and can't find any chocolate remnants in the backseat on the seat belt or anywhere. So I have most likely looked like a freak for about an hour to several hundred people in the store.

Life. You gotta love it. I'm off to try some Mickey Mouse Cheese. Thank God it's Friday.


  1. That is sooooo funny. I remember those days. 28 and 26 now they whine for help with big ticket know, you ought to explore some serious syndication of what you is very, very engaging and filled with visual images.

  2. Thanks for the boost of confidence Steve! If I knew where to start, I'd consider it. My goal is a cookbook. We'll see what happens!

  3. Praise the good Lord for couponing! Since I've been couponing I've been able to avoid Super W for a least a year, and it is the best thing in the world. I'm with you - whenever I actually have to go it is always an experience. There's never a "quick trip" to Super W - it's an all-morning experience. You're brave!

  4. This is so funny I have tears running down my face. Great post! Oh, and like AmyA I don't go to SW anymore either since coupons. That alone makes coupons worth the time! :)

  5. If they weren't the only store in town to carry the one snack that my youngest son LOVES, I wouldn't darken the doors - I'm tried and true HT w/my coups. Every now and then I have to suffer through for Rice Rusks. Oh well!